Feedback from readers

This morning I ‘tucked in’ to your profound book. What a delight. I am a couple of chapters in. The understanding that you convey is tremendous and ’should’ be required information for all pregnant couples. There is also a delicious flavour to your writing style that embraces your words in a most digestible manner.Congratulations on knowing your Soul’s Purpose’ and manifesting it so beautifully.
Patrick Houser author of the wonderful new book Fathers to Be Handbook

Not only does your book entirely underpin my own birthing philosophies (born from observation over 30 years of being a childbirth educator, mother and grandmother) which is always satisfying, but your clarity of presentation and extensive referencing make it such a fantastic resource for my antenatal teacher students.
Alex Smith, childbirth educator, mother, grandmother. UK

I also want to say that your book is INCREDIBLE! Your writing style is beautiful and the words just flow from the pages into my heart, and the fact that it is referenced so extensively makes it even better again. I have concluded too that it should be compulsory reading for all Childbirth Educators. So thankyou for all that you have given and continue to give. I look forward to reading more of your work in years to come.
Davina Kennedy, Childbirth Educator and mother of five, New Zealand

Hi Sarah, I just wanted to provide you some feedback about your book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering. It is now at the top of my list of childbirth books, I have lost count of the number of people I have recommended it to, I think it is a very important book, as it covers in a very readable fashion the key issues to do with birth and breastfeeding, and beyond, it is written in the perfect way to introduce people to the fact that there is another, far more beautiful, and desirable face to birth than the medical one we see so often. Thank you, you have given a great gift to the women of the world by writing this eye opening, and paradigm expanding book.
Angie Duff, Homebirth mother, Qld Australia

I admire all the work you do for birth awareness worldwide and love your guidance through your writings. It is so clear, makes such sense and has impacted on & enriched our family enormously, from the early days when I was pregnant with Dex and heard your wisdom at HMA, to these more recent, when I’ve reached for your book and articles. There are many ways in which you’ve assisted me to have these dream births, that you’ve given me the courage to go there on my own. Andy has also turned to your book for guidance, and gets so enthralled in it and passionate that I often have to wait in line. (I have two copies now!)
So, many thanks to you for the amazing work you do and the effect that it has!
Anna Foley, Brisbane, mother of two

I just wanted to say a huge thank you for your book. It was a joy to read and I really feel empowered and ready for my baby to arrive. Your book confirmed many of my thoughts and validated much of the research I had personally done on the topic. We have decided to opt for a home birth, hopefully in the water. I feel more positive toward this experience than I could have imagined and much of that is thanks to you. There has of course been the odd looks and comments (including from my GP and GP friends) who think I am completely mad, but that has not bothered me in the slightest as I know I have researched and thought about this decision long and hard.
I wish you all the very best for the future and will be recommending your book to all.
Gina Cacho (BSc), Director www.cleanlife.com.au

I have just read your article on yoga and motherhood, in an old copy of a yoga magazine. Thank you soo much for your reflection of the recognition of motherhood as devotional yoga!! It had me in tears to read your story and share in my deep knowing of the beauty and power of motherhood…….ive been meaning to read your book for a while and it has been a great introduction to you!… Ive found in my birthing and mothering journeys , that what i have done on instinct(baby wearing,co sleeping etc) has actual terms in the attatchment parenting world and feel sooo inspired by the journey of woman.I have led workshops onbabywearing and have been thinking about studying childbirth edu, but after reading your article I fill so full and devoted to fully being with my girls for now, educating each other as we grow!! so thank you so much for your insight and beauty.
Bex Deva, Maitreya Meditation Centre New Zealand

I have just read your book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering and I am loving it and will now reread it all again. It had such a powerful effect on me, it is a beautiful collection of articles. I am expecting my first child in Feb and am just drinking in all the info I can find on this topic. Thanks for your inspirational writing,
Renaee Churches. mother-to-be, Australia

Thanks for prompt delivery. Received your book a few days ago and have been making my way through it ever since. Great comprehensive coverage of all things mothering, has already got me back into a recommitted recentred love of mothering and the glorious vocation it is. Has lifted me up above the subtle and (not so subtle) grumblings about not being able to get anything done and living on the edge of chaos as I get used to balancing baby and toddler.
Well done and congratulations Sarah, also loved reading your own evolution as a mother. Good luck with all your amazing work.
Andrea McFadden Mother of two, Brisbane Australia

Reading your beautiful, so eloquently written work is such a joy. It is truly a delight to read every one of your articles which is why having your book is so special. Thank you so much. I will indeed pass on your book to my friends and family
Kristy Brookes, mother, Western Australia

I recieved your book today and have already read every page. I think your book and knowledge is powerful and amazing. I loved and envied your beautiful birth experiences! I am an RN currently studying Midwifery and with your book in mind I hope to enrich the lives and birth experiences of my future clients. You have most certainly changed my attitude and opinion of mothering. You lead a truly amazing and inspiring life. I’m honoured and privelaged to have found such a wonderful guide in you!
Thank You!!!
Kirsty Dryden, midwifery student, Australia

A quick note to tell you how much I love your book - and how much it has helped my partner and I to be able to lend it to family members and friends who question birth without intervention as we prepare to welcome our second child at home sometime in April.
Donna Sheppard-Wright , mother of two and midwife-to-be

I want to thank you for your book. I have just gotten it, one of your first I think to be sold in the US. I appreciate your time, wisdom and honesty. I am now becomming a mother, pregnant with my first child, and find your book very comforting. Your clarity and confidence have inspired a sense of perspective and humility in me. Thanks again.
Dia Ingalls, mother-to-be, Boulder Co, US

I received your book today – wow! Congratulations on an informative, comprehensive read. I look forward to recommending it to peers and mothers alike. Many thanks.
Alison Contarino, midwife, Queensland Australia

Just wanted to write to tell you that your book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering, is fantastic - it has given me so much good information that makes perfect sense to me about childbirth. There is so much to look forward to having a natural birth, and I
thank you for writing this book and helping so many woman to understand their inner power and strength about birth.
Vanessa Hoffman singer, songwriter, entertainer, mother-to-be, Melbourne http://www.vanessahoffman.com/

Thanks Sarah. Your book certainly reassured me as I have a baby that just doesn’t “fit” into any of the other baby books! I also found the mainstream baby books made me feel like a failure for having a baby that didn’t conform to their prescription. After reading your book, I felt like a competent, caring and nurturing mother again!
Cathy Johnsen, mother, Brisbane, Australia

Have just finished reading your book which I enjoyed immensely. congratulations on a great contribution to the midwifery and mothering literature. it will be required reading for my 2 daughters who were both born at home and are keen to have their babies at home when the time comes.
Virginia Meyjes, midwife, mother, Qld Australia

Thank you for your wonderful book. I received it on Monday and finally finished it today. I spent much of the week with my new baby girl in one arm and your book in the other. Thank God for your warm, gentle messages and your eloquent writing style. It spoke to my heart.
Paula Panasetis, new mother, Australia

Your book has helped me a lot in many ways and my daughter was born at home in a unique experience with my husband and midwife. I am writing to you to say thank you for sharing all your knowledge and personal experience with us.
Inma Sanchez, midwife and mother, Melbourne

Webshop reviews

I am completely bowled over by your thorough research, the way you have compiled the facts and studies together, and the way you present the evidence (in addition to all the beautifully intuitive and experiential stuff).

I have never come across anything so helpful in the pregnancy/parenting section of any bookstore or library. Nor did I never come across anything so well written and helpful during my National Childbirth Trust pre-natal classes in the UK, despite my continuing search for more ‘meaty’ information on choices in childbirth.
I will recommend your book highly to anyone I can find!!
Barbara Hastings Cox, mother, Australia

Sarah, just got your book and devoured it rather quickly. I love that there are people out there like you putting the idea of NATURAL birth into the world. I’m not talking about homebirth vs hospital birth, but the idea that our body works PERFECTLY and we don’t NEED a midwife to attend us, or to check us, or to fiddle or manage our labor!

There is a radical idea that the only childbirth preparation a woman needs is to get back in touch with her intuition. Too many of us lose that gut instinct at an early age, or rather we learn to ignore it in order to be “nice” or “compliant”.
You rock, Sarah! thank you, thank you, thank you!
Pamela Hines-Powell, midwife, US

Read more webshop reader reviews here

Published Reviews

Review in Mothering March 06 by Melissa Chianta
Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering: the wisdom and science of gentle choices in pregnancy, birth and parenting is the excellent new work from favorite Mothering author Sarah J Buckley. An Australian physician, Buckley marries solid research to intuitive awareness on a range of subjects, from prenatal testing to cosleeping. Of particular interest is how, like Michel Odent, she relates the biological and emotional processes of birth to those of sex.

Excerpts from review in Natural Parenting June 06, by Jodie Miller
Thoroughly researched with the authority of a medical practitioner yet expressed with the poetry of a mother, Dr Sarah J Buckley’s book melds science and spirituality to challenge the social mandates of modern paternalistic pregnancy, birth and parenting practices. .. Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering lends credibility to the gentle wisdom of mothers past, present and future and provides a resource not just for mothers and feminists but also for child and maternal health professionals who might care to provide more open, informed and up-to-date guidance to families in their care.

Excerpts from review in byronchild June 06 by Janine Barron
So many women seek a natural birth and this book will help you understand what it means to you…each article can be read and savoured independently but all with the knowledge that they are written by a woman who is a mother, medical doctor and natural birth advocate. It’s a rare combination from a woman passionately committed to this subject.

Excerpts from review in MIDIRS Midwifery Digest by Professor Sandy Kirkman, University of Glamorgan
I have been stretching for a metaphor to describe the effect of encountering the works of Sarah Buckley. Bypassing the mundane such as arriving safely at a special destination after a dreadful journey I am forced to make do with this. Discovering Sarah Buckley is like being told, authoritatively, that chocolate is not only good for you, but is guaranteed to make you slim. And also beautiful.

Fully acknowledging the previous work of others she is particularly impressive on the orchestration of maternal and fetal hormonal events in “undisturbed birth” (chapter 13, previously in MIDIRS). Drawing on the work of Odent she explains the uses of oxytocin and exactly why it is such a bad thing to give artificial hormones, for both mother and baby. …the whole book provides a goldmine of evidence for the questioning midwife who has not lost faith in the bodies of women to do that for which they were designed… I can only suggest that individual midwives and libraries in Schools of Midwifery obtain a copy of their own as soon as possible.

Excerpts from review in Medical Veritas March 06 by Michael Primero
The author’s work deals with a range of topics, surveying both negative and positive aspects of humanity’s current intrusions into the process of childbirth (and beyond). She shines an interrogative light upon common and accepted procedures such as ultrasound examination of the fetus, epidurals, cord clamping and caesarean sections. It is refreshing to see someone who is trained within the paradigm of orthodox medicine, nevertheless being able to break free of the indoctrination which so often tends to come with such training. In the process, Sarah gives us a strong and courageous retort to what are often common travesties within the industries of birth.

With wisdom and compassion, Sarah steers a path through some of the most glaring medical mistakes to be foisted upon femininity, and with the rigour of her scientific training she speaks back to medicine with a voice of clarity, insight and responsibility…Approaches to gentle birth — such as water birth, home birth and lotus birth — are presented within a clear rendering of what the birth porcess should be like. Most importantly, the natural bliss of the childbirth experience (a bliss that has been all but lost in the quagmire of reductionist thinking in medicine) is highlighted by the author, in an effort to reinstate the rightful place of this bliss at the very centre of birth.

Excerpts from review in The Practising Midwife June 06 by Denis Walsh
Along with Odent, she is the best articulator of the complex but wonderful hormonal weave and every midwife should read her exposition of third stage physiology. In the important quest to rehabilitate this area of birth from the discrediting it has recieved over decades, her contribution is immense.

The other area of real significance is her general ‘take’ on the childbirth event as a ‘rite of passage’ experience, not a medical event. She writes eloquently from this anthropological and social model perspective with credibility because of her conventional medical training. There are very few voices with this view from her background and the birthing community needs them. ..I would highly recomend it for anyone interested in normal childbirth, both practitioners and parents.

Excerpts from review in the Journal of the Association of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health (in press) by Jon Turner
Move over Dr. Spock! While you have influenced tens of millions of parents in raising their children, the new kid on the block from downunder is light years ahead of you in pregnancy, birthing and parenting insights, understanding and common sense. The reason is, in 1946 you looked up a few rather dodgy books and research and wrote up a manual. Sarah Buckley not only researched her topics, she did them too.. We begin this review with the simple statement that anyone – repeat anyone - who is seeking authentic and authoritative information on the best possible ways to bring their baby into the world, has got to keep Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering on the bed stand through all of their reproductive years.

Excerpts from review at nourished.com.au by Joanne Hay
If you’re looking for a comprehensive book about birth “Gentle Birthing, Gentle Mothering” is it. Some 27 essays about the many facets of birth, Sarah J Buckley’s manifesto contains the answer to almost any quandary you or your support people may have about the choices your birthing and mothering brings. Its value as a resource is immeasurable because you can copy one or two articles at a time to give to your family, midwife or doctor if need be. Each article is well researched and referenced and Sarah points to many avenues of further learning in her excellent resources section.

Chapter 13 “Undisturbed Birth - Mother Nature’s Blueprint for Safety, Ease and Ecstasy” is my favourite essay and worth buying the book for. It traces the beautiful hormonal dance a naturally birthing body performs if left well alone. It also speaks about what happens if it is tripped up and trampled on by well meaning but overbearing dance partners ie. obstetricians. I whole hearted recommend this book for any women intending to birth or any person intending to support a women who is birthing. In fact, I recommend this book for any person whose deepest wish is to heal the earth because for Sarah and her contemporaries, to heal birth is to heal the earth.

Review Birthings, magazine of Homebirth Access Sydney, summer 05/6 by Jo Hunter
This beautiful book arrived in the post for me to review for Birthings magazine. Although I have not yet read the book from cover to cover I have referred to it on several occasions in the last two weeks both for professional reasons as a childbirth educator and doula, and for personal reasons as a mother of 4 children. Sarah writes so expressively, her insight and wisdom are evident throughout all of the book’s pages and she writes in easy to understand laywoman’s terms.

Ina May Gaskin has written a foreword for the book and Sarah covers such topics as gentle birth, ecstatic birth, lotus birth and she has included all four of her own children’s homebirth stories. She also covers normal birth, breech choices, homebirth, caesareans, attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping and gentle discipline. This book is a must for all conscious and involved parents and for any midwife or childbirth educators library.

Excerpt from review in Wellington Homebirth magazine, (New Zealand) by Liz Neill, La Leche League leader, mother of five, founder of junglemama
Oh my gosh, what a book! It brought tears to my eyes at times, I got angry at others, and laughed out loud in still other places. What a beautiful, uplifting, inspiring series of stories and essays. Right from the introduction, Sarah J Buckley draws you in with warmth and reality.
…With the wonderful balance of words of wisdom from a mother, backed up by her professional role as a GP, Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering offers insights into many subjects in away not usually available… Fabulous reading — I highly recommend it.

Excerpts from review in Birthwise (NZ) Sept 06 by Kass Ozturk
Sarah is one of those rare and insightful doctors who holistically integrates the medical mind with the birthing woman’s body…Sarah’s articles are comprehensively researched, internationally published and well respected.. I thoroughly recommend flicking through this book, or even reading it cover to cover, with both my ‘midwife’ and ‘mother’ hat on. Enjoy!

Review in Mother and Baby (Australia) Feb 06
This book explores the less mainstream options for pregnancy and motherhood in a time when both states are becoming more and more medicalised. This will get you thinking about how to plan for a positive birth and looking at the benefits of attachment parenting.

Excerpts from review in New Vegetarian and Natural Health
Mnay women have become so afraid of Nature’s plan for labour and birth that they are literally booking in for a caesarean when there is no medical reason to justify the added risk. Dr Buckley, whose husband is also a doctor, combines medical evidence with her gentle mothering wisdom to empower women to have the best birth and parenting experience possible. This book could be valuable reading for any health-minded mother.

Review in Australian Yoga Life, July 06
Dr Sarah J Buckley, a GP and mother of four, delivers a well written, researched and referenced text. Speaking from both personal and professional perspectives, Dr Buckley provides a practical insight into a woman’s natural instinct in birthing and how women might wish to reclaim gentle birth from the sometimes over-instrumentalised, over drug-oriented and overwhelming hospital system. This book offers pragmatic advice to both women who wish to home birth and those who choose hospital birth

Review in My Child (Australia), Summer 2006/7
Aims to provide everything you need to know if you are considering or preparing for a natural birth, with an emphasis on gentleness and nurturing.Thorough, easy to read and backed by medical research.

Review at health-e-learning by Denise Fisher
Sarah Buckley is a doctor and mother of four children born at home. She combines both aspects of her life, her medical knowledge and her mothering knowledge, to write a book that explores the medical role in childbirth while creating an understanding that childbirth is an intrinsic part of a woman’s life - a part that her mind and body are already programmed to achieve without intervention.

The book is a series of papers, each covering a specific topic such as epidurals, ultrasound scans, undisturbed birth, and many other aspects of normal and medicalized birth. Each paper is well-referenced using evidence-based literature, and use is made of statistics to draw attention to the current state of the issue being discussed. Some women not used to this style of writing may find it intimidating, while others will find it empowering to be on an equal footing when discussing the care of their body and their baby with their health professional. The sections on breastfeeding briefly discuss the advantages of breastfeeding for both mother and baby, and emphasize that extended breastfeeding for several years is both normal and pleasurable. I’d recommend this book to both mothers and health professionals.

Feedback from professionals

Sarah Buckley is precious, because she is bilingual. She can speak the language of a mother who gave birth to her four children at home. She can also speak like a medical doctor. By intermingling the language of the heart and the scientific language she is driving the history of childbirth towards a radical and inspiring new direction.
Michel Odent MD French surgeon, author, natural birth pioneer, London

Sarah Buckley creatively integrates mind/body wisdom with the latest scientific research to provide women with the essential tools they need to make conscious choices throughout their pregnancy and birth.
Deepak Chopra, author of Peace is the way, Carlsbad, California, US www.chopra.com

I have not seen a more penetrating analysis with thorough documentation from the scientific literature. I would wish this book would be read by every obstetrician, family physician, midwife, and obstetric nurse. In addition, this book would be a wonderful primer for women and families searching for a better childbirth.
Marsden Wagner MD: perinatologist and former WHO director of women’s and children’s health, Maryland

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering is a feast for the discerning reader wanting to make empowered choices for birth and beyond. Both soulful and wise, Sarah Buckley’s well-researched material restores birth’s integrity and intelligently challenges modern day assumptions of motherhood and mothering.
Kali Wendorf, editor, kindred magazine

A fascinating, deeply moving and wide-ranging exploration of different aspects of birth and mothering, drawing on research evidence and vivid personal experience.
Sheila Kitzinger: birth educator, anthropologist, author Birth Trauma, Oxford www.sheilakitzinger.com

Sarah Buckley marries the medical mind and the birthing woman’s body wisdom. Her writing comes from the unique perspective of a holistic integration of these often-poles-apart realities. Unfortunately, this combination is very rare in modern obstetrics. Her writing opens up new possibilities for those lucky enough to imbibe.
Gloria Lemay: midwifery educator and contributing editor of Midwifery Today, Vancouver www.glorialemay.com

Sarah Buckley is one of the few people in this world telling the truth about pregnancy and birth. Now in this book you will read her well-researched work. Sarah’s words are truly a gift to the midwifery and birthing community.
Jan Tritten: midwife, editor Midwifery Today, Oregon

I love your book…It is delightfully easy to read, inspiring, incredibly informative, and it speaks to women from a gentle yet empowering voice. You beautifully combine common sense with medical information which cultivates awareness and a path to awakening. Your own personal stories create a soft loving touch.
Vicki Abrams: co-author, with Deepak Chopra, of Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives: Director of prenatal programmes, Chopra Center, Carlsbad CA www.journeytobirth.com

“Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering” is compelling reading for all midwives, medical and midwifery students and anyone interested in the innate ability of women during pregnancy, labour and birth. Sarah Buckley, an experienced mother and medical writer, has provided a ‘normal’ view of women’s work with well researched evidence, facts and references; providing essential information and presented in a way that gives wisdom back to women and knowledge to those who provide care.
Robyn Thompson: midwife and grandmother, Melbourne www.melbmidwifery.com.au

Sarah is a writer whose articles have appeared in many publications internationally: her writing is a gift- her style is honest, welcoming and easy to read; never does her professional designation distance her from her readers. Her passion and deep love for women and babies is very apparent- which is also why her work is so engaging and inspiring.
Leilah McCracken, founder of Birthlove, Canada

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering is the book Hygieia College can fully endorse. Sarah Buckley is a true birthkeeper. As a mother, she knows what having two hearts feels like. Yet as a birthdeeper, she has soul. I am honored to be Sarah’s colleague. Moreover I am blessed that Sarah is my dear friend, indeed she is a spiritual sister.
Jeannine Parvati Baker: midwife, author, birthkeeper, Utah. Jeannine died Dec 05 and she has a dedication in my book

Sarah Buckley’s work is unique: as a health professional AND and hands-on mother, Sarah exquisitely demonstrates how science affirms the intuitive wisdom of motherlove as well as how gentle parenting works in practice, not just in theory.
Pinky Mackay, lactation consultant, author Sleeping Like a Baby and 100 Ways to Calm the Crying www.pinky-mychild.com

In the last decades we worried that midwifery would be lost but now the real concern is that normal birthing will be lost as less women deliver naturally. Sarah’s research particularly from endocrinology supports what I ‘know’ about birthing of mothers and babies from thirty years experience as a midwife. Reproducing loving parents and loved babies is needed more than ever and the process could not be simpler. Now Sarah has provided the much-needed scientific support for not disturbing the process.
Sue Lennox: midwife and midwifery lecturer, Wellington, NZ

I aim to set your book as compulsory reading for my students.
Sandy Kirkman, Midwifery Tutor, UK

Thank you so much for not only your fine work, but the high standards you set for yourself and for your medical colleagues.
Jody McLaughlin, Editor, Compleat Mother Magazine

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering is totally brilliant. There is nothing I like better than a nicely written book that makes a good
case for all the things that are most valuable, plus, it is endorsed by such a mega-ton of science that you would not dare argue against it.
Your book is a formidable tool for change, it should be compulsory.
Robin Grille, Psychologist, author Parenting for a Peaceful World

I consumed the book over the course of a week, with many smiles along the way. How refreshing to have in one volume all the information I try to provide for women in our region. As a fellow ‘estactic birther’ I am passionate that women have accurate information so they can approach the birthing of their babies prepared as nature intended.

On Tuesday I gave the book to a women due in two weeks, she confided in me about how anxious she was about the birth of her third baby, after a chat and sending her off with your book, she rang this morning with a sparkle in her voice to tell me that she’d been reading non stop since tues and feels so much more eqipped and finally ‘excited’ about this baby’s birth. She had for the first time an awareness of the hormonal effects of drugs on a mothers natural hormonal balance and has totally rewritten her birthplan. That’s what I call a ‘result’.
Angela Worthington, President, Active Birth Taranaki, New Zealand

Thank you so much for all the wonderful information you put “out there” about birth, mothering, parenting etc. Your information has had a key role in many of the decisions we have made for our family, and we are so grateful to have you as a source of knowledge.
Melissa Bruijn: mother of two and Birthtalk convenor, Brisbane

I recently gave your book to a client whose second baby is due any day and she’s just contacted me. She’s read every book from Frederick Leboyer, Sheila Kitzinger, to Janet Balaskas — you name it, she’s read it — and she’s told me that yours is the best book she’s ever read on childbirth and mothering.
Bless you for your work, Sarah
Liz Leys, doula, Brisbane Australia

I just wanted to pass on to you that every single woman/couple that I have the pleasure to assist in birth has been very touched by your
book and all that it gives to them. Love you Sarah and all that you have and will give to birthing women,
Sue Cookson, midwife, Byron Bay Australia

Thank you for your book. I am so delighted to get it. The implications of all our work is so important for women to have these
days to counter the terrible soullessness that is invading everything and the violence it ultimately breeds. It’s wonderful having the
combination of your heartfelt embodied experience, intuitive intelligence and the scientific combined. Powerful stuff.
Alexandra Pope, psychotherapist, author The Wild Genie: The healing power of menstruation www.wildgenie.com

I am looking forward to having this book (and the published version, when it comes out) in my lending library. I will make it compulsory reading for my students and encourage them to buy the published book. It really goes a step further, than other books, in helping women to have total confidence in their body, the natural process and their ability to birth.
All of the gentle mothering articles (and the whole collection, actually) really affirms the feminine, affirms our ability to mother well, affirms our choice to invest ourselves in our children and embues a general sense of confidence in ourselves as mothers.
Lea Mason, childbirth educator and mother, Sydney

Wanted to drop you a line now for over a week to let you know that I received your book safe and sound. I’ve been enjoying reading it over in bed while nursing the baby to sleep at night. I love the feel physically of the book too, the paper is nice and the cover is wonderful artwork
Ril Giles Milk from my mom

Reader reviews
What professionals say
Published Reviews

Maia, my fourth child, still sleeps next to me, her hand on my breast through much of the night. She has been my most attached baby; as stuck to me as a limpet on a rock through the early months, when she would protest any physical separation from me.

Even at age five, she has an acute awareness of my presence (or absence) at night, and will usually wake after a certain time of solitary sleep. When I am sleeping next to her, I can feel her hand or foot reaching to make contact with me through the night, and she sometimes cries out “Mama” when I turn to sleep facing away from her.

If I left her alone to sleep, as a baby, she would wake after 20 minutes or so, and it made sense to rest beside her for daytime, as well as nighttime, sleeps. Now she wakes after about 1½ hours – if I have stayed up late, this is usually when I am ready (or should be ready!) for bed myself.

I feel blessed that my older children, now 14, 12 and 10, had trained me so well before Maia came along, so that I could bring the mothering and attachment skills that I had learned to this sensitive child. If Maia had been my first, I may have created a lot of difficulties and internal conflicts by expecting her to be an independent baby.

For example, if I had tried to leave Maia during her daytime sleeps, because I wanted her to ‘independent’ (or because I wanted to catch up with housework) a lot of problems could have resulted for all of us. Maia would have woken up after a short time and would have missed the chance to sleep deeply, and I would have been unable to complete any household tasks. By the end of the day, we would both have been tired and frustrated, and the evenings could have been very trying for all the family.

In contrast, by choosing to rest, I created a peaceful hiatus in family life that nourished everyone – my older children listened to tapes, read books, drew pictures or sometimes slept themselves. This daytime rest, usually after lunch, also gave me a fresh start, and the energy to get through the busy family afternoon and evening. When my son was at preschool, I could use this time to nourish myself more deeply by writing in my journal and reading my favourite books and magazines.

In a similar way, I have appreciated Maia’s other needs as opportunities and gifts; more so, the more I surrendered to them. For example, carrying her in the early days was a very blissful experience, and I also experienced times when my heart totally melted as I nursed her. In this space, I felt sad that I had so often squeezed nursing into other household activities, and I gained an appreciation of the meditative qualities of this nourishing act.

These gifts have sustained me through some challenging times, when I have been stretched in meeting Maia’s needs. For example, night-times were very busy with Maia, not only in terms of breastfeeding, but also because I chose to raise her without nappies/diapers, and was committed to peeing her at night as well. (See my article about this practice here…)

Now my nights are much quieter, and I wake in the mornings feeling well rested. (I have to add that co-sleeping with a child who sleeps soundly is even more pleasurable than co-sleeping with a night-waking child!) Maia has now expanded her world, and goes to preschool 3 days per week, relishing the company and stimulation.

I know, in my mothering heart, that my choice to surrender to Maia’s needs for attachment, and to accept my role to fulfill them, has contributed enormously to her confidence and her joyful experience of life. I can feel myself as her first matrix – the first context for her development, as Joseph Chilton Pearce notes in Magical Child.

If I had enforced our usual cultural expectations of independence from an early age, my nights may have been less busy (or alternatively, I may have spent many hours walking the corridor to settle her) and I may have had my breasts “back to myself” several years earlier. On the other hand, I would have missed a lot of bliss, and Maia would have, I guess, less confidence in the ability of the world to meet her needs.

Many in our culture (including some members of my family!) would say that I have “spoilt” Maia by “giving in to her demands”, but the outcome (so far at least!) does not support this conclusion. Maia is confident and loving, flexible and easygoing, she sleeps well at night and she has almost weaned. Through surrendering, I have gained confidence and competence, and expanded my capacity for love and heartfulness, not only in relation to Maia, but also with my family and the world in general.

Accepting our children’s attachments needs, and our pivotal role in fulfilling them, may be difficult in our culture, but the rewards are enormous and ongoing. Parenting can be a deep and satisfying spiritual practice, giving us a thorough (if sometimes reluctant!) training in devotion and patience.

In my book, Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering, I talk about our children as our teachers, in gentle discipline and in life. Here is one story from recent family life….

It’s been rather a crazy time, maybe the planets have been out of alignment- certainly our family has been.

We’ve had precious objects lost (three so far, one recovered), car tyres shredded (one, thankfully without damage), phones packed up (two) and communications and tempers stretched, especially in shopping centers (twice). But on the positive side, my beloved and I went swing dancing to celebrate his birthday and now, towards the end (I hope) of this mal-aligned interlude, I feel like I am learning some profound lessons, thanks especially to my eldest child Emma, aged 15.

Emma attends a wonderful high school, where there are no uniforms. Many mornings, I open one eye to see her tip toeing into our walk-in-robe to expand her clothing choices. Some of my wardrobe is available, but some items are definitely taboo, and, in my mind, this included my favourite purple vest. Emma did not share this understanding and, unfortunately, the day she borrowed it, she also lost it somewhere between school and home.

Because she had a busy week (and we often don’t see much of each other, as she catches the bus at 7am), the story of my missing vest was not pieced together for a few days. I was deeply shocked that she would take what (I presumed) she knew to be a precious item, one that I wear almost every winter day, and even more upset because I knew it was unique and an irreplaceable colour.

Maybe it’s my possessive Taurean nature, but I do get very attached to my things. Every few days, I reminded her how much I missed wearing the top, and how much she would have to pay to replace it ($120, although possibly half-price on sale later this month, but only available in blue). She was remorseful but not shattered, and I was secretly rather glad that her self-esteem was so sturdy in the face of my tirades.

We went shopping together a couple of weeks later, and I bought myself a gorgeous shawl. I don’t have an extensive wardrobe of ‘good clothes’ – mostly because I’ve been slouching around the house with small children in my PJs and trackies for years– and it’s a special treat to buy nice clothes. However the next day I realised it need to be a size bigger, and I asked Emma to swap it over for me when she went shopping with her friend.

Maybe you can guess the next event. She swapped the size, but somewhere between the shops and the bus…. She lost the bag. She searched her friend’s house and car, phoned the cinema, to no avail. She cried and told me how bad she felt.

But strangely, I was not angry. In fact, I felt little attachment to the new shawl, and to the money that was already spent. I was relieved to feel genuinely OK about it. Later on, I reviewed my reactions to the loss of my vest, and realised how lacking in awareness I had been, and how fixed (another Taurean trait) on my loss.

With more work on my attitudes, I realised my part in the karma of these events, and how I had enrolled Emma in some of my own dramas. Yes, she had a major responsibility for my vest, but I also needed to let it go: I could easily have lost the vest myself, and, whatever the events had been, it was now gone and could not be replaced. I realised that, through my own fixity, I had recreated the same event with the shawl, because I hadn’t yet learned the lesson.

Buddhists tell us that every loss is a practice for the Great Loss — our own death. In the scheme of things, this was a small loss. I meditated, and imagined the two items drifting away from me down a river: imagined myself just letting them go. (Although in this meditation, the shawl snagged on the side of the river). I did this several times, until I could feel my willingness to accept, to let go. I decided not to replace the vest.

The next day, Emma left to stay with her friends in the country. In the morning, I told her what I had come to, what I felt my part in it was. I told her it was OK, whatever happened. She gave me a huge hug, she told me “You are amazing, Mum.” We both cried.

I drove her to the train to stay with her friends. When I arrived home, I phoned the shopping centre who told me, yes, someone had found the parcel near the Sushi bar. I thanked the shopping centre management profusely and thanked, in prayer, the person who had found my shawl and handed it in.

A few months later, I found a nice vest that was only $20 on sale, and Emma offered to pay for it, which I accepted.

Thank you, Emma for teaching me flexibility, grace, responsibility and perspective.

General Birth resources
Association of Radical Midwives (UK)- chat list of midwifery wisdom
www.radmid.demon.co.uk

Cord clamping and third stage issues
www.cordclamp.com

Doulas of North America- find a doula in the US
www.dona.org

Gentle Birth – includes archives of midwifery discussion, an excellent resource
www.gentlebirth.org

Jeannine Parvati Baker, writing and books
www.freestone.org
www.birthkeeper.com

Joyous Birth, homebirth, support after birth trauma
www.joyousbirth.info

Labour of Love, the web magazine for conscious parenting
www.labouroflove.org

Laura Shanley’s unassisted childbirth site
www.freebirth.com

Midwifery today magazine (US) a treasure-trove of natural birth information
www.midwiferytoday.com

Mothering magazine (US) articles, chat rooms
www.mothering.com

Mother and Child Health, natural birth and parenting articles and advice
www.motherandchildhealth.com

Midwife Sara Wickham’s articles and links
www.withwoman.co.uk

Research
The Cochrane library and Database, source of evidence-based reviews for pregnancy and birth
Access is free in some countries, or may be available through academic institutes
Australia: http://www.nicsl.com.au/cochrane/index.asp
UK: www.nelh.nhs.uk/cochrane.asp
To check if you have access-
http://